Freeze
by Believe78
Summary: "She could hear the wailing of a siren in the distance and hoped it came from the ambulance headed their way."
1. Chapter 1

This is a belated birthday present to Ladybug-Jojo :) I hope you like it and the scene you wished for is how you imagined it ;)

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><p>"Alicia!"<p>

She rolled her eyes as Eli's voice sounded behind her back. She knew from the tone that somebody else had arrived he was 'dying' for her to meet. His choice of words, not hers. She couldn't remember when and why she had agreed to let Eli and Elfman take over the guest list for the firms Christmas party, but somehow it had happened and the more she looked around the room the more she wondered how many of their clients would read about the party on page six in tomorrow's paper instead of attending it. She had seen Diane's disapproving glance earlier, and also the muttering of some of the associates about tonight being a bad disguised campaign contribution event.

"Excuse me." she finally said to the woman in front of her. She already couldn't remember her name, though Eli had only introduced them a few minutes before. The party hadn't started that long ago, but yet her mind wasn't paying any more attention to all the people she had shaken hands with. She plastered a fake smile on her face, repressing a sigh as she turned to look who would be next. The smile froze on her lips as she spotted Peter next to Eli. They hadn't seen each other since she had confronted him with the pictures of him and Ramona, demanding of him to end his affair. She had asked herself a few times since then, if she only wanted him to end it, because it would hurt both their careers if it came out or if it bothered her for another reason, like that he had someone in his life that made him happy, someone he looked forward to. But she never allowed herself to think further to avoid the sting in her heart, she knew she'd feel if she ever admitted to herself that she hated the thought of him happy while she felt miserable in her private life. A sudden flash of light interrupted her thoughts and she looked around, detecting a photographer at the door. She sighed and slowly walked over to Eli and Peter.

"Hi Peter." she stretched the words as he slowly leaned closer, kissing her on the cheek. A part of their well-rehearsed routine for the public. She had learned to block out any feelings during this displays of public affection, but now she couldn't help but wonder about who he thought of as he kissed and hugged her. She could feel his hand on her hip and wondered if it lingered there just a moment too long after they had loosened the embrace. She peered up at him, detecting the same fake smile on his lips as she knew was also visible on her face.

"Go on. Mingle." she suddenly heard Eli's hissing voice in her ear. She rolled her eyes, exhaling slowly as she glanced over to Peter, who offered her his arm.

"Are the kids here?" he asked casually as she linked their arms, following his lead through the crowd.

"Grace is here, but Zach won't arrive until Christmas Eve. He's avoiding me, all I get are texts." she sighed.

"I'll talk to him over the holidays. We don't want him to completely break with us, right?" he offered and she couldn't do anything but nod, agreeing to his words. She knew she had chosen the wrong approach with her son regarding the abortion, but for now she didn't know how to reconnect with him.

"Hello, Mrs. Florrick." she turned her head to the voice that approached them from the side, recognizing Mrs. Warner, one of her few clients, she had spotted so far. She briefly wondered if the bank account of her husband had anything to do with the fact she had gotten an invite.

"Hello, Mrs. Warner. Nice to see you." she smiled, shaking the offered hand.

"Very nice party and finally I get to meet your husband." Mrs. Warner smiled, shaking Peter's hand enthusiastically.

"Good evening, Mrs. Warner. It's a pleasure to meet you as well. My wife told me so much about you. You're one of her favorite clients." Peter smiled at her, switching to charming politician in the blink of an eye. A trait she had always envied him for, now more than ever, as she ran for office herself.

"Oh, you're exaggerating." Mrs. Warner giggled, still clutching Peter's hand.

She felt her mind drift away as Mrs. Warner's gushing washed over her, strangely only Peter's voice keeping her connected with the here and now.

"Of course, we are looking forward to the holidays. It's family time, right Babe?" Peter squeezed her hand and brought her back, briefly wondering when he took her hand in his.

"Sure. Just us and the kids…and Eli over the phone." she winked at him, leaning against his arm, playing the loving wife for the attendees and the photographer, who kept on making pictures as she knew from the ongoing flash, blinding her from time to time.

"I bet you don't see a lot of each other with both your busy schedules. And then you still make time for throwing a party like tonight." Mrs. Warner gestured through the room but Alicia just chose to nod and smile, still holding Peter's hand. Somehow she liked the contact, his presence calming her down like it had when he had shown up when she had announced she'd be running for SA. It felt as if she was untouchable in public when she was by his side. A feeling that scared her somehow, but welcomed just the same.

"And the decorations. So tasteful and festive. You even thought of mistletoe." Mrs. Warner went on, pointing at a spot over Peter's and her head. She followed the gesture and found a branch of mistletoe hanging above them.

"You know the custom, right?" Mrs. Warner smiled at them while Alicia's glance wandered to Peter, who still smiled politely at the other woman. He slowly turned his head and she saw the same glimpse of hesitation in his eyes she felt herself. Their public displays of affection only included kisses on the cheek and hugs, but now standing here under the mistletoe, they wouldn't get away with just that. She chuckled nervously, her gaze wandering around the room, when she met Eli's stare. He had undoubtedly watched them the whole time and surely caught up on their situation. She saw him nudge his head in a 'Go on' movement, before she turned her head around again. Mrs. Warner watched them, an expectant look on her face and Alicia knew she couldn't get out of this. She peered over to Peter, who smiled weakly at her.

"Well, we won't dismiss tradition, right Alicia?" he said calmly, pulling her closer by their still joined hands.

"How could we?" she agreed, smiling brightly at him as he lowered his head to capture her lips. It was as if the contact of his lips on hers caused her body to react on its own, because she couldn't remember making the active decision to let her hands run up his arms, one finding it's way to his neck, drawing him closer while the other one came to rest on his chest over his heart. Her own pulse quickened as she allowed herself to experience the familiar feel of his lips against hers and the warmth from his hand on her hip. A part of her truly enjoyed the kiss while another part of her cursed him for still having this power over her. She pushed both thoughts away, suddenly wanting to savor the kiss for as long as it lasted. It was rather chaste in comparison to the ones they had shared before, in the many years they were together, but already lasted too long for a quick peck on the lips and still she was sorry when she felt Peter lean back, breaking the contact. She blinked a few times as she stepped back herself, glad Peter took her hand again as she still dwelled on the mixed feelings the kiss had stirred inside her.

"It's so nice to see that in spite of all the trouble you went through, you still love each other." Mrs. Warner beamed at them, but they both decided to just smile at her.

"Can I steal Alicia and Peter from you?" Eli's voice suddenly appeared from behind.

"Sure, I've monopolized you long enough. Great party." Mrs. Warner smiled at them, before she turned and headed for the buffet.

"Well played." Eli grinned as he lead them to a group of people, eagerly looking in their direction.

"I need you both to meet these people." Eli instructed them as they approached the group and she heard Peter emit the same sigh that also left her lips.

A few hours later the last guest had left and the caterers had been paid. Alicia was collecting her stuff from her office, slowly approaching the couch under the window where Grace had fallen asleep on.

"Hey, hun, wake up. Time to go home." she carefully whispered while gently stroking her daughter's cheek.

"What time is it?" Grace yawned as she slowly opened her eyes.

"After midnight. Come on, let's get you home and into bed." she smiled as Grace tried to rub the sleep from her eyes.

"Is Dad still here?" Grace asked as she pushed herself into a sitting position.

"No, he left half an hour ago." Alicia replied, still wondering why he had stayed that long, though it had seemed like he had enjoyed himself. She knew Eli and Elfman thought the evening had been a big success as they had left only moments after Peter.

"Come on now, Grace." she urged her daughter on, who was still sitting on the couch, her chin resting on one hand, blinking sleepily. Alicia picked up Grace's coat from an armchair and held it in front of her. Finally Grace stood up slowly, taking the jacket from her mother's hands, putting it on. They went to the elevators, riding down to the lobby as Alicia had parked in front of the door in the afternoon when she came back from court to free a parking space in the garage for one of the guests. They hurried the short distance to her car in the cold drizzle, Grace quickly slipping inside the shelter of the car after Alicia had unlocked it. She opened one of the rear doors to place her briefcase and purse on the backseat, briefly glancing down the street. Her gaze rested on a black limousine parked at the curb on the opposite side of the street. She squinted her eyes, trying to figure out if it was Peter's car. She shook her head at herself as it couldn't be. He had left over half an hour ago. Why would he still be here, sitting in his car? She shut the door of her own car, taking a step forward, reaching for the handle of the front door, when she saw a movement on the other side. The rear door of the limousine swung open and only moments later Peter climbed out of the car. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Peter stepped into the street.

Then several things happened at the same time. Later she would remember the headlights of a car blinding her, a loud bang unlike anything she had ever heard before. Screeching tires and a scream she had no idea if it was her own or Grace's. She felt a chill creep up her neck as she lowered her glance to the middle of the street, the engine of the car that just had sped by, roaring in the distance. She blinked a few times, a feeble hope taking hold of her that her tired eyes only played tricks on her. But each time she opened them the view in front of her stayed the same: Peter lying motionless on the road before her.

She felt paralyzed as she watched big drops falling from the sky now, hitting his face, running over his cheeks like tears. She wanted to move, to run to his side but her legs wouldn't take a single step. She closed her eyes only to open them immediately again, gasping in shock from the images her mind showed her; blood-stains on a vinyl floor, flashes of the photos of the shooting that Will had died in. She tried with all her might to push them away but they blurred with what she saw in front of her. Finally she noticed some movement in the corner of her eye. The front door of the limousine opened, but to her it happened in slow-motion and it took forever until Peter's chauffeur emerged from the car. She saw his mouth move but all sounds were muffled as she continued to stare motionless at Peter's body. Suddenly she heard another sound, startling her but also it seemed to wake her from her paralyzed state. Her head turned and she saw Grace run from the car towards the street, stopping a few steps away from her father's body. Grace turned around, her eyes opened wide, staring at her, the sound leaving her lips dying away in the loud splatter of the rain. Finally she felt herself move, running into the street, kneeling down beside Peter's body. She didn't feel the cold, wet pavement beneath her legs, scraping her skin as she carefully placed her hand on his chest, hoping to feel a steady rise and fall. But all she felt beneath her fingers was the drenched, cold material of his coat. No movement. She peered up to his face, his closed eyes, a small streak of blood running down his chin from the corner of his mouth. Her glance lingered on his lips as she reached to wipe the blood away from his face. She remembered the warmth of his lips on hers just hours ago as they had kissed under the mistletoe. The warmth that was fading into coldness as she brushed his lips lightly with her fingertips. She closed her eyes, conjuring up the memory of the brief kiss, trying to freeze it into her mind. She opened her eyes, forcing her gaze away as she sensed someone standing next to her.

"I called an ambulance."

She could only nod at the chauffeur's words, her eyes searching for Grace, who slowly stepped closer. She could hear the wailing of a siren in the distance and hoped it came from the ambulance headed their way.

"Mom? Will Dad be okay?"


	2. Chapter 2

Dedicated to those who know better.

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><p>Alicia didn't know what to tell Grace, how to respond to the question she herself feared the answer to. So she remained silent, lowering her glance back to Peter's motionless body in front of her. She reached for Peter's hand, clutching his fingers with hers. She had no idea how long she knelt there in the street, watching Peter, hoping for a movement from him, confirming he was still alive. Finally the sirens grew louder and soon the first paramedic knelt down beside her. She felt gentle hands grab her by the shoulders, pulling her slowly away to make space for the helpers. She turned her head to see who was leading her aside, spotting Gary, Peter's chauffeur. He guided her to the limousine, where Grace already stood, her arms wrapped around herself, her gaze fixed on a point behind Alicia. She wanted to step up to her, embrace her and tell her that everything would be alright, but she couldn't. She wasn't able to give the comfort she needed herself. Finally she moved next to her daughter, following Grace's glance to see a paramedic starting to ventilate Peter. She felt helpless not knowing what was going on, hoping they'd do everything to save his life. Suddenly she felt Grace's hand reach for her own, squeezing it hard. She peered over to her daughter and they just shared a glance, understanding each other without words, both taking solace from the touch of the other's hand. Finally they watched Peter being slowly put on a stretcher and carried into the ambulance.<p>

"I know which hospital they are taking him. Get in the car, Mrs. Florrick. Grace, you too." Gary addressed them and her head turned towards him, managing a faint smile to thank him for thinking of things she wasn't capable of at the moment. He opened the back door of the car and Grace slipped inside before her. She settled into the seat, soon feeling the motor spring to life and the limousine speeding after the ambulance, whose flashing blue lights cast an ominous glow on the dark street.

She closed her eyes, briefly hoping that when she would open them again, the flashes would be gone and she'd wake in her bed, where shaking the memories of this nightmare would only be a flick of the light switch away. But no such thing happened when she opened them again. The blue flares had gone as the ambulance had sped away from them but the images of Peter in the cold, rainy street where still too clearly in front of her. She knew closing her eyes again wouldn't chase them away but she did it anyhow, taking a deep breath in a feeble attempt to calm herself down. She let her head fall back on the headrest, her throat suddenly feeling to tight to draw another breath as she smelled the traces of Peter's aftershave lingering inside the car. Once more she could feel the warmth of his lips against hers. A sob died in her throat as the dark notion that this might have been their last kiss rose up in her mind. She fought it back, trying to tell herself that he would be okay, that he had to be okay. But it didn't help and soon she felt hot tears run over her cheeks, blending with the cold rain that had wet her face. It was impossible to hold the tears back and instantly her body was shaking under heavy sobs. Once more she felt Grace's hand on hers, her daughter scooting closer, Alicia's arm sliding around her shoulders and Grace cuddling herself up to her, sobbing now as well.

Flashbacks of the last time she had been in this car with Peter swam before her eyes, the harsh words she had said to him ringing in her ears.

_Then zip up your pants, shut your mouth, and stop banging the help._

Looking back she wasn't proud of these words and hadn't been for a while now. Fresh tears rolled down her face as she briefly allowed the thought they might be some of the last words she had spoken to him. She had ignored the pain she glimpsed in his eyes as she had said them but now regret rose up inside her, wishing she could take them back, apologize for them at least. She wiped some tears from her face with one hand, while her other arm pulled Grace closer. She forced the thoughts back, believing she'd get the opportunity to talk to Peter again.

New images flashed before her, more pleasant ones this time. Memories of last years Christmas party, when things had still been better between them.

_She was glad as Cary said he__'__d talk more details with the musicians about their possible copyright infringement law suit and she could go home. She hurried outside to her car, but found it blocked by a black limousine. A smile crept over her lips as she recognized Peter__'__s car. The back door opened when she was only a few steps away from it and she quickly slipped inside, settling next to Peter, who pulled her to his chest._

"_You didn__'__t wait here the whole time?__" __she peered up into his face, feeling the chuckle run through his body before she heard it._

"_No, we brought Donna Brazile to her hotel and then I got rid of Eli and came back, hoping you__'__d be done soon.__"_

"_Okay.__" __she sighed, scooting closer and burying her head at Peter__'__s neck._

"_Where are the kids?__" __he asked, placing a kiss on her head._

"_They left with my mom. They__'__re both spending the night at friends.__" __she replied, running a hand up his neck, through his hair to bend his head down so she could place a slow kiss on his lips._

"_Good.__" __he winked at her, leaning forward to push her back into her seat. His fingertips ran along her jaw, his thumb brushing over her cheek, his lips finding hers in a deep kiss. _

"_Then I can take my time.__" __he murmured after breaking the kiss, leaning back again, pulling her with him so she rested at his shoulder once more. She nodded lightly against his chest, savoring the silence inside the car after all the noise at the party. She took a few deep breaths, Peter's familiar scent helped to relax her. She closed her eyes, cuddling deeper into Peter__'__s embrace, enjoying Peter__'__s hand drawing lazy circles over her back and arm, placing a kiss on her hair from time to time. Soon they came to a halt in front of her apartment building and she reluctantly peeled herself away from Peter__'__s body so he could get out of the car, hurry around to her side and help her out as well. He took her hand, leading her inside the building and up to her floor, hanging both their coats once they had entered the apartment. She walked further into the kitchen, opening a cupboard door to retrieve some wine glasses._

"_You want some wine, too?__" __she called out, not taking her glance from the glasses in front of her._

"_No.__" __she jumped lightly at his low voice behind her, not realizing he had already entered the room. He leaned in, barely touching her back as he outstretched his arm to close the cupboard before placing his hands on either side of her on the counter. She turned on the spot, glancing at him surprised. He leaned in, kissing her briefly on the lips as he put his hands on her hips, letting them wander upwards, cupping her breasts softly before moving further to her shoulders, brushing her jacket from her. She let the piece of clothing fall carelessly to the floor to free her hands so she could reach for Peter__'__s lapels, pulling him closer to claim his lips with hers. She felt his hands on her hips once more, gasping as he lifted her up so she came to sit on the counter._

"Mom?" Grace's voice brought her back to the here and now, realizing new tears had rolled down her face. She wiped them away, taking a deep breath as she looked up.

"I think we are at the hospital." Grace's voice was thick with tears, streaks of them dampening her cheeks. She pulled her daughter close again, placing a kiss on her forehead before she braced herself for what would wait for them inside as she reached for the handle.

They walked towards the entrance of the emergency room, Grace nearly dragging Alicia behind her, whose steps got slower and slower the closer they got to the sliding doors. A battle seemed to rage inside her, one part needing to know how Peter was doing while the other wanted to run away, hiding from what awaited her and the consequences it might have for Peter and her whole family. Finally they reached the front desk to ask about Peter.

"You are family?" the nurse, a young woman in her twenties, asked in a bored voice, not even caring to look up from her magazine.

"Yes, his wife and daughter." Alicia replied, her one hand still clutching Grace's.

"Good, then fill this out, please." the nurse handed her a clipboard with a form and a pen. Alicia confusedly reached for the offered items, staring blankly at the piece of paper, the letters blurring in front of her eyes. She put it down on the desk, picking up the pen, placing the tip on the paper to start writing Peter's name on the topmost line, but suddenly her hand started to shake uncontrollably, the pen slipping from her fingers, hitting the floor with a loud rattle. She turned her head, trying to bend down to pick it up, but she couldn't. Her knees went weak and she felt like she was falling backwards if there hadn't been Grace's arms catching her and guiding her slowly to a nearby chair.

"Are you all right, Mom?" Grace knelt next to her, a concerned expression on her face. A wave of guilt ran through her for worrying Grace even more than she already was about her father. She draw a couple of deep breaths, nodding at Grace, managing a weak smile.

"Just sit here for a minute, okay?" Grace stood, hugging her briefly as Alicia nodded once more before Grace walked over to the front desk.

"Can't this form wait until we know what is wrong with my father?" Grace addressed the nurse, who merely glanced up at her for a quick moment.

"We need that information. It's hospital policy." the nurse replied, the annoyance clearly detectable in her voice.

"Rachel, the family of governor Florrick won't need to fill out this form." suddenly a male voice sounded from the room behind the front desk.

A paramedic walked past the partition, sitting down in the chair next to Alicia. She watched him, her throat closing again, a part of her wanting to run away again as fear settled in a tight knot in her stomach.

"I recognized your husband and you of course, Mrs. Florrick. I'm Dr. Fletcher, the emergency physician on the ambulance that brought your husband here." he smiled at Alicia, but she wasn't able to smile back, her hand clutching the armrest of her chair. She saw Grace walking over to them in the corner of her eye, extending her arm, to reach for Grace's hand.

"How is he?" she asked hesitantly, her voice hoarse, her mind clinging to the hope that the smile on his lips was a sign that Peter's condition wasn't too bad.

"He's just being prepped for surgery." he told them gently, both gasping at his words.

Again Alicia felt mixed emotions, relief that Peter was still alive washed over her, loosening the lump in her throat as the fear over the operation settled even deeper in her stomach.

"What is wrong with him?" Grace asked, her glance not leaving the doctor.

"He broke a leg along with a few ribs. But the fractures are not our main concern. He is bleeding internally and we think his spleen ruptured. That's why we need to operate right away. And to see if that's the only source of the bleeding." he explained Peter's condition.

"Are there any other injuries? Maybe something with his spine?" Alicia carefully asked, the images of the crash replaying in her mind, causing new tears to roll down her cheek, which she brushed away quickly.

"We don't know that yet, Mrs. Florrick. It is always a concern with traffic accidents. We took all the necessary precautions during the transport, but we need to stop the internal bleeding first. Once that's done we will do more tests to see if his spine got injured too."

"Okay." Alicia nodded.

"Do you have any more questions?" his glance went from Alicia to Grace.

Alicia knew she should ask a million questions, but her mind was just blank, nothing seemed able to break through the fear that had taken hold of her whole body.

"How long will the operation last?" Grace asked, trying to keep her voice steady but Alicia heard the scare in it.

"We can't say yet. Probably a few hours. I'll show you to a room now where you can wait for the surgery to be over."

They both nodded at the doctor's words, following him as he got up, leading them from the entrance hall down a corridor.

"Here you go." he opened a door and Grace went inside. He held Alicia back on her arm before she could follow her daughter.

"Mrs. Florrick, I need to tell you something else." Alicia nodded, reaching for the door to close it, but kept her hand on the knob, sensing she might need the support.

"We called the police and they want to talk to you. We told them they could send someone over tomorrow. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you." she tried to smile but knew it was failing, so she opened the door and went into the room.

"What else did he tell you?" Grace asked her, once the door fell shut behind her.

"That the police wants to talk to us tomorrow." she crossed the room and sat down on a couch at a small coffee table, burying her head in her palm. Grace kept standing in the middle of the room.

"Do they think somebody did this to Dad on purpose?" Grace voiced something she hadn't thought of herself, her mind too occupied with the worry and fear for Peter's health, so that the idea somebody had done this to him on purpose left her short of breath.

"I…I don't…know." she stammered, feeling like she was choking on those few words. New tears rolled down her face, but this time she didn't brush them away, sensing how they turned from hot to cold as they ran down her chin and neck, trickling into the scarf she was wearing.

"Mom, why would somebody want to hurt Dad?" Alicia peered up at Grace's words, which sounded strong, disbelieving but she saw her lips tremble, tears streaming soundless down her cheeks and moments later she took the few steps towards the couch, falling down into the seat next to Alicia, wrapping her arms around her mother.

She had no idea how long they sat there, holding each other, crying, not speaking a word.

"Shouldn't we call Zach?" Grace asked after a while, her voice raspy, slowly sitting up. "And what about Grandma?" she leaned back, rubbing her eyes before she stared at her mother.

"Yeah." Alicia stretched the sound, realizing painfully that Grace thought of things that couldn't be further from her mind, though she knew that she had to think of them, think about the people that needed her.

"We will do that in the morning, once we know more." she managed to say, barely recognizing her own voice.

"But I'm sure they'd want to know now, Mom." Grace scooted back, away from Alicia, her eyes wide like she couldn't believe her mother's words.

"I won't wake them in the middle of the night, scaring them." she replied, fully well knowing how weak her words sounded. She knew Grace was right, Zach and Jackie were entitled to know what happened to Peter. But calling them would make the situation more real, the pain more palpable and she felt not strong enough to face that.

"Zach would want to be here, Mom." Grace carried on, her stare getting more intense.

"I'm not going to argue with you, Grace. Please let us wait until the morning. Until we know more." she lowered her glance, avoiding Grace's gaze, hoping she'd let it rest though she hadn't given her a reason to do so. Grace stood up from her seat, walking over to the window, crossing her arms in front of her chest, apparently looking outside into the night. Alicia turned her head, watching Grace's reflection in the glass, seeing her jaw tremble, her fingers clawing into the sleeves of her coat. Alicia knew she should get up, embrace her daughter and tell her why she dreaded the phone calls, but she couldn't. She felt frozen in her spot, her glance leaving Grace, staring at the door instead, wanting it to open to hear news about the operation and fearing it at the same time.

She must've fallen asleep, her neck hurting when she turned around. Moments passed when she wondered where she was before the harsh reality took a hold of her as she opened her eyes, recognizing the waiting room at once. The memories flooded back as she blinked a few times, slowly sitting up. She saw Grace curled up in a chair opposite the couch, her face buried in the crook of her arm. She watched her for a while, deciding to let her sleep as her glance wandered around the room, stopping at a water cooler in the corner. She got up slowly, walking over to it, taking a cup and filling it with the cold liquid. She wasn't thirsty but it gave her something to do, even for a few moments. She walked back, sitting down again, her glance flickering between Grace, who still slept peacefully, and the cup of water in her hand, counting the bubbles ascending to the surface. Finally the last one had burst and her glance went up, watching the door again. She kept staring at the handle, trying to guess how much time had passed since the doctor had left them, but she couldn't remember.

She let her head fall back, closing her eyes when she heard a sound from the door. Her head snapped back up and she saw the door swing open, another doctor entering the room. She stood, trying to place the cup on the table but it toppled over, the water running over the tabletop, dripping to the floor. She ignored it and hurried over to Grace.

"Grace, wake up."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hi, I'm Dr. Dickinson. I operated on your husband."

Her gaze switched from Grace, who slowly opened her eyes, to the doctor approaching them.

"What is it Mom?" Grace asked sleepily, looking disoriented around the room until her glance fell on the doctor.

"Do you have news about my Dad?" she asked carefully, searching for Alicia's hand. Alicia squeezed it hard as she sat down in a chair next to Grace, both not taking their eyes from the man standing in the middle of the room.

"Yes." he said in a low voice, pulling another chair up to them and sitting down.

"How is he?" Alicia wondered, her voice sounding strange in her own ears.

"We had to remove parts of the spleen. He lost a fair amount of blood, so he's receiving a blood transfusion. We also took an x-ray to see if there is any damage to the spine." he answered, his face staying emotionless.

"And?" Grace asked impatiently.

"We can't be sure yet, but from what we saw in the x-ray there could be a fractured vertebra."

Alicia heard Grace gasp next to her while she herself seemed unable to move or utter a single word. Her body appeared trapped, like metal bands crushing her chest.

"When will you know?" Grace's voice sounded thick with tears again, asking the things she should be asking but her mind appeared blank.

"We will do an MRI and CAT scan first thing in the morning. That should give us a clear picture of what we are dealing with." he stated, a small glimpse of sympathy flickering in his eyes.

"Is he conscious? Can we see him?" she eventually managed to say.

"He's still out from the anesthesia but we have nothing that suggests he shouldn't wake during the next hours. He's still in the ICU but we will move him to a room soon. I'll send a nurse to get you as soon as we've moved him." he stood from his seat.

"Do you have any other questions?" his gaze rested on Alicia but she couldn't bring herself to ask the one question that circled her mind, terrifying her. She would wait for the other tests in the morning. Maybe then there wouldn't be any need to ask it anymore.

"Thank you, doctor." she said quickly, hoping to prevent Grace from asking anything more that would only feed her fear that had settled in her stomach like a rock.

"Ok, I'll send the nurse over in a few minutes." he nodded before he left them alone again.

Grace looked at her and she could see the same insecurity in her eyes she felt herself. They didn't talk until a nurse showed up a little while later, taking them to Peter's room.

They both stood in the doorway, unmoving, staring at the person lying in the hospital bed.

"It's a good sign he's breathing on his own. I'll get you another chair." the nurse smiled at them.

Grace was the first one to step into the room, but stopped a foot away from the bed. Alicia saw her shoulders trembling and finally she felt the strength to walk over to her daughter and put her arms around her. She sensed tears streaming down her cheeks as well, burying her face at Grace's shoulder while she felt her daughter tremble in her arms. Eventually she opened her eyes again, looking up and letting her gaze wander over Peter's form in the bed. His face looked pale in contrast to the bleached blue pillow case but she couldn't see a ventilator. Just a small tube led from his nose over both his cheeks, disappearing in a panel behind the bed. Her glance wandered further down, over the neck collar, which made her swallow hard, to his chest where she could see a steady rise and fall, proof that he was alive. Finally the sign she had needed to see and feel so badly as she had knelt next to him in the street. A sigh of relief escaped her as she loosened the embrace, walking around Grace to step closer to the bed, noticing the cast on his left leg that wasn't covered by the blanket. Her gaze fell on the monitors on the other side of the room, most of them with wires and tubes connected to Peter's body. Her eyes stayed on the readout with his heartbeat, the nod in her stomach getting smaller as she watched the constant flash of the small green heart in the corner of the screen. A sound behind her made her turn her head and she saw Grace carrying the second chair, that the nurse must have brought without either one of them noticing, to the other side of the bed. She watched her daughter take Peter's hand in both of hers, her face still wet with tears but also a faint smile on her lips.

"Dad? It's Grace. I'm here with Mom." Grace started talking to Peter but he didn't stir.

She let her glance wander over him again, noticing the IV pole next to the bed. It carried two bags, one with clear liquid, the other with the blood transfusion, the doctor had told her about. Her eyes switched back to Peter and she caught herself thinking that he looked small inside the bed. It was an adjective that had never come to her mind before when she thought of Peter, the man who even when she was wearing her highest heels still protruded her by several inches. It had been among the things she had noticed about him when they had first met and later on she often found comfort in his strong and tall form, making her feel protected. But now she felt like she needed to protect him, the fear of losing him bubbling up inside of her. She wanted to step closer, sit down by his side and take his hand like Grace but she wasn't sure if she still had the right to do so. If she was the person he wanted to see once he woke up. Maybe he'd rather have Ramona sitting there. She swallowed hard at the thought and the urge to leave the room became unbearable.

"I'll be right back." she stammered before she walked from the room, not as fast as she wanted as she didn't want to worry Grace. She looked around the hall and followed the signs to the restrooms, where she splashed some cold water on her face. She knew she needed to keep a cool head if their charade should survive this, but her feelings and fears weren't fake. They were real and their intensity scared her.

She kept standing over the sink, her hands clawed around the counter, letting the water drip from her face into the porcelain basin, watching the drops slowly flowing down the drain. Finally she raised her head, gasping slightly at her reflection. Her eyes were puffy and red, her make-up smudged all over her face but she knew the damage had been made by her tears not the gush of water just now. She reached for the paper towel dispenser next to her, drying the rest of the water away, not caring that she smeared more black streaks down her cheeks. She threw the paper away without looking inside the mirror once more. Somehow it didn't matter what she looked like as it matched the way she felt; torn and tired. But she realized it wasn't the kind of fatigue that would go away with sleep. She was tired of fighting and needing to be strong. For a moment she wished herself back to a time in her life when Peter's strong arms had shielded her from everything, probably even the hurt he had brought on her himself.

She left the restroom and went back to Peter's room, slowly entering. Grace had fallen asleep again, her head resting on the small space between Peter's arm and the rim of the bed. Her hand still clutched her father's. Eventually Alicia felt ready to sit down in the other chair, slowly stretching out her hand to brush against Peter's fingers. They felt far from warm but at least not as cold as when she had held his hand in hers on the street. She just kept sitting there, her glance switching from Peter's face, waiting for a sign he might wake up, to Grace's sleeping features, softly stroking Peter's hand with her thumb from time to time.

Twice a nurse entered the room, checking some of the monitors and replacing the IV next to his bed, each time asking if she needed anything which she denied both times. She winced slightly when the door behind her swung open once more and someone called her by name.

"Yes?" she turned her head and saw the same nurse as the last two times standing in the doorway.

"There is a man here, demanding to see you."

"Who?"

"An Eli Gold. Do you want to see him?"

"Yes, please let him through." she told the nurse, sighing deeply as she slowly got up and followed her outside.

"Alicia? What happened?" she heard Eli just a few moments later, hurrying around a corner towards her. She saw his shocked expression when he laid eyes on her.

"Peter got run over by a car. They operated him earlier and removed part of his spleen." she answered his question.

"That's not too bad." he interrupted her, but she shook her head at his words, new tears forming in her eyes as she thought about what she had to tell him now.

"They also think he has a broken vertebra. They'll do more tests in the morning." she wiped the tears from her cheeks, hoping she would get used to telling people this information or worse in the future without starting to cry. But the flood of tears wasn't dying as she thought of the possible outcome of this injury, what might lie ahead for Peter.

She tried swallowing her tears, looking up at Eli who hadn't made a sound after she told him the news. His eyes twitched nervously from her to the floor, his fist clenching around the phone in his hand.

"Is he conscious?" he finally asked, his glance resting on the door behind her.

"No, but they expect him to wake up soon." she stepped up to the door, nodding towards Eli to go inside. He passed by her, briefly grabbing her hand and squeezing it in an attempt of support. She tried to smile but knew it failed so she just followed him.

"Why didn't you call me?" he inquired, letting his gaze wander through the room until it finally rested on her.

"I didn't call anyone yet. Not Zach, not Jackie. I couldn't." she whispered, shrugging her shoulders before she fell back into her previous seat, burying her face in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Alicia." Eli's voice sounded behind her and she could feel his hand on her shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do?" he flashed her a half-smile as she peered up to him.

"Mom?" another voice suddenly sounded behind Eli and she turned her head to see if she wasn't mistaken.

"Zach?" she murmured as she saw the door open wider and her son stepping inside the room. She jumped from her chair, hurrying past Eli to hug Zach, new tears running down her face. She held him close for a while, the anger and disappointment she had felt, during the last months since she learned of the abortion, was forgotten.

"How did you know? Why are you here?" she muttered as he pushed her slowly back and she looked up at him, running her hand up his cheek and through his hair.

"Grace called me. I got the first flight." he explained, his glance wandering from her face behind her to the bed. Her gaze followed him, finally falling on Grace's sleeping form. She must've called him while she had fallen asleep in the waiting room, though she had told her she should wait till the morning. She looked back at Zach and all she felt was glad that he was here, no anger towards Grace for not obeying her wish.

"How did you pay for the flight?" she asked him worried.

"Dad sent me a credit card for emergencies a few weeks back. I don't think he had this in mind." he shrugged his shoulders sadly, glancing at his father.

"No." she sighed, silently thanking her husband for thinking of stuff she hadn't.

"How is he?" Zach asked, stepping around Alicia to the foot of the bed.

"Zach?" Grace's sleepy voice sounded and she rose to hug her brother as well.

"Mom, please don't be mad. I had to call him at least." Grace turned towards her, worry on her face.

"I'm not mad, hun. You did good." she smiled at her kids.

They filled Zach in on Peter's condition while they settled as comfortably as possible in the small room with only two chairs. Zach sat down on the floor and Eli leant against the wall, soon all of them falling silent, watching Peter for a sign that he might wake up. Eli left for a while, returning with coffees for them all, which the kids declined but Alicia accepted gladly. She sipped the hot liquid while she didn't take her eyes from Peter's face but there still wasn't any sign that he might open his eyes. The gnawing feeling of fear spread in her stomach again but she tried not to let it get to her, clinging to the hope that everything would be okay again.

"I have to go, Alicia. There are things I need to deal with. Will you keep me posted?" Eli stepped up to her.

"Sure." she looked up at him, her glance wandering over Zach and Grace who had both fallen asleep.

"Could you do me a favor and take the kids with you and get them home?" she nodded towards them.

"Of course. But don't you think you need some sleep, too?" he watched her worried.

"No, I'm fine." she shook her head, getting up to wake her kids. As hesitant as she had been earlier to even set a foot inside this room, the more she feared now Peter could wake while she wasn't here. She simply couldn't leave.

Both kids refused to go at first, demanding to stay at their father's side, but finally agreed. She wasn't sure if they only did it to avoid arguing with her or if they realized they could need a few hours of sleep in a bed instead on a chair or on the floor.

"Should we call grandma?" Grace asked as she followed Zach out of the room.

"No, I'll do it." Alicia stated, not wanting to put this duty on her kids, but also knowing she couldn't delay it much further.

She hugged her kids goodbye, promising once more to call them as soon as there were any news. She sat down in her chair again, wondering how she could break the news to her mother-in-law, finally settling on addressing the issue head on. This wasn't something that could be sugarcoated. She looked around for her purse when she remembered that it still stood on the backseat of her car. She decided that the call had to wait then, because there was no way she'd speak with Jackie somewhere public like the nurse's station. But she'd need to call someone to bring her the purse and maybe some other things as well. Her glance rested on Peter's face as she leaned forward, taking his hand in hers. His skin felt colder as before and she studied his features, thinking he looked even paler now. She also noticed his breathing had become shallow.

A loud beeping from one of the monitors startled her and she looked up. One of them was blinking and the tone didn't stop. Fear spread through her whole body as she reached for the call-button with shaking hands.

She had just pushed the button as the door behind her swung open, a nurse and the doctor who had talked to her earlier, hurried inside the room. She stood from her chair, stepping out of their way as they started checking Peter.

"His blood pressure is down." the nurse stated as she went outside only to return seconds later with a cart, packed with vials and other stuff. The doctor reached for one of the vials and a syringe to inject some of the contents into the cannula on top of Peter's hand.

"He's not responding. Heart-rate is still going up." he said while he studied the monitors.

"Call the OR. Tell them we'll be there in a few minutes." he ordered the nurse and she hurried away.

"What's wrong?" Alicia addressed the doctor who checked Peter's eyes with a small flashlight.

"It looks like he's bleeding internally. We will need to operate again." he explained and she could see the seriousness in his eyes.

She felt numb, panic taking a hold of her, so she didn't notice two nurses entering the room, prepping Peter to push him to the OR. She only realized it once they were halfway through the door. She watched them wheel him from her sight, the door falling shut behind them. She pushed herself away from the wall against which she had stood the whole time, hurrying after them. A fear dominated her that she had fought down the whole time, thinking it would be bad if she even finished the thought. But now she needed to act on that fear, so she grabbed Peter's hand as she caught up with them, not letting go of it while she walked alongside.

"You can't come with us any further, Mrs. Florrick. This elevator goes straight down to the OR." one nurse addressed her as they came to a halt in front of the lift.

"Okay." she nodded, only then feeling the tears running down her cheeks. She squeezed Peter's hand hard with her own as she bent down, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"I can't lose you, Peter…You have to make it…We need you…I need you." she whispered between sobs until she felt his fingers slipping from her hand as they wheeled the bed into the waiting elevator. She had voiced her fear, that her worst horror would be to lose him. She hoped he had heard her, felt her presence, suddenly scared she might never be able to tell him in person again.

"I love you." she muttered under her breath as she saw the last glimpse of him through the closing elevator doors.


End file.
